so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
