There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
