best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They have beer where we have blood.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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