It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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