When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
