you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
