im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
