Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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