Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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