mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
