I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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