Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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