Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
