Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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