I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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