I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
