I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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