this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
