You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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