And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize