She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
