Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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