if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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