I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I forget how to act sober
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