he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
