I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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