i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
