she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
