I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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