Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
