This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
