There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
