Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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