I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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