Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
