"it" just moved
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
