Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
