I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
