I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
