I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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