i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
