so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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