the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
