How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
