Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
