True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
