Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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