Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
