At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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