I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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