somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
