I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
