just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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