Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
