I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
