i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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