OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
