Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Kiss
Puke
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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