But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
