Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
