We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
