ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize