one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
