The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize