Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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