at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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