Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The Olympian is in my bed
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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