I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
