Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
