Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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