I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
