Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
