They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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