my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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