ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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