I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
