I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
