i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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