So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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