i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
