I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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