From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize