People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
