it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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