help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
