:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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