would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
