Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
